Life or Death?

I was dead once. I still remember what it was like, lying there in my cold, dark grave. I remember waking in this death and finding a world in shades of gray, where Money, Power, and Comfort were the gods to be worshipped. I remember walking through this world seeking that which would lead me to those gods by the quickest and easiest path. I learned many things in my death. I learned that mighty Education was the stairway to the gods, but only the twisted education prescribed by the gods themselves would do. I learned that love was a myth, and that intoxicating Lust was the reality. I learned that ideals were for those who desired to condemn themselves to a life of toil and suffering for naught--for those who refused to worship the gods and were thusly punished for their lack of piety.

Oh yes, I remember death.

But then...then there was this man. I heard his voice on the wind, calling my name. I couldn't see him, but I heard him. There was a note of longing in his voice, and a sorrow that made me want to break down and sob where I stood. There was desire in his voice, the likes of which Lust had never known. There was light in his voice, and it made the gray-toned world shudder as if it would recoil if only it could.

There was an invitation in his voice, and the invitation was meant for me.

The invitation came at a price though, and I was afriad to accept it. I knew that if I ran to this voice that my death would end. I had heard this from others before, and I felt in my bones that it was the truth. I was comfortable in my death; I didn't want to leave it behind. It was hard work, but I knew what was expected of me and exactly how to get where I wanted to go. I knew I could drown the voice out and go about my death as it had always been. But I didn't want to. So I looked up from where I stood and I screamed to the heavens, "Here I am! I hear you! I need you! Take me!"

"I WANT TO LIVE!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Everything began changing that day. I gained a double vision of sorts--my eyes as they were saw my world in gray; my eyes as they were becoming saw a world of brilliant color and light. My heart began beating. My heart began breaking. How did I live in death for so long when there was this whole other world waiting for me? How could I let others live in death while I walked in this life?

I did the only thing that I could do; I ran to my Lover's arms and cried until no more tears would come. I let him whisper into my very soul and give me strength beyond myself. Then I went out and sought to bring life to the dead. My passion was my Lover's passion. Nothing could stand in our way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Now, as I look back, I find myself standing in my old grave and lifting my eyes toward heaven. What happened to that passion that flooded my veins? What have I done with that life I was given? How came I to be standing in this spot, with my former death clawing at me, when I should be at my Lover's side? When did I stop walking with him and just stand still, alone?

I know not. At this very moment, I care not. I just know that I need to be back at his side. I need to be in his arms. I need to drink deeply of his love and be renewed, and then I need to go out and renew others as well.

God help me. Jesus hold me. Holy Spirit, fill me anew.

I

WANT

TO

LIVE.