2 a.m. rambling...

I realized a few days ago that I spend most of my time looking forward. This would be okay if it were something along the lines of "Wow, God, I can barely contain myself...I'm just so excited that I'm going to be home with you once this fleeting life is over!", but it's not. It's, "Goodness, only three more hours left in this workday, and then I'm free until tomorrow morning", or "Only two more days and then I'm off and can really enjoy life", or "next month we're going to do such-and-such--I can't wait!"

How often do I figuratively sit back and just enjoy the "eternal now"--this very moment that I live and breathe in? I've come to relize that it doesn't matter whether I'm wishing for a moment years down the road or mere minutes ahead, those things distract me from really living by stealing away my "now". How can I find God's grace for the moment if I'm so busy longing for the end of my work shift? How can I enjoy the people He brings across my path if I'm too busy wishing for time to go by faster so I can go home?

In my mind's eye I see the past as a road spread out behind me, complete with houses, hills, valleys, and the like. I see the future as some sort of hazy, foggy landscape. But if I turn my eyes to the now--and I mean the right now--I see a world without limits stretching in all directions. It is glorious, my friends...this "now" that kisses God's "forever". Here I am happy; here I am at peace. Here I love and am loved so passionately that it makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

We are all so distracted from this beautiful "now"--our eyes seem to just slip over it without giving it a second thought most of the time, and straight on and to whatever it is that lies ahead and just out of our reach. I'm sure this is one of the Enemy's greatest victories over humankind--this distraction from the infinate now.


Abba, help me to be like You. You who are and were and will be, help me to find myself in Your I AM-ness. I am. Right now. This moment. There is nothing more wonderful. I see You here...I breathe in Your air and I hear Your voice. Not in the future, but in the right now. I love You Abba...I love You. I am in Your arms now, in this place where the divine and the common intermingle. I am. I am.

I am alive in this moment.